she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
