i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
