my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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