Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
