Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
