Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
