in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
