I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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