speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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