We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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