worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
