i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
well you can't waste a boner
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
