If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what day is it and did you see me today?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
