Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
pop tarts are not kleenex
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
