Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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