the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Farmville is her only friend.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
