After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
