youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
