I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
