My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
