Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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