Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
