I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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