even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
