I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
