every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
