sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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