There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
