when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
