I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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