At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Can't talk, ducks in the car
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
