the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
