I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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