So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
