69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We are two peas in an std pod
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
