What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm really busy with my period
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