so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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