That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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