That's intense
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
