Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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