ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
