i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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