I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
