I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
