me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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