you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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