Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
