that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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