Soap is not a condiment
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
