Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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