Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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