end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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